Excerpts from the Diaries of a Dog and Cat
Fido's Diary
8:00am-Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30am-A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40am-A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am-Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm-LUNCH! My favorite thing!
1:00pm-Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
5:00pm-Milk Bones!! My favorite thing!
7:00pm-Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00pm-Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00pm-Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Day 983 of my captivity.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep
up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped that this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies". I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow-but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released-and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe-
-for now...
-Anonymous